Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
