You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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