I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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