i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
