if you like me you must not know who I am
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
