I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
