Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
