just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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