PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
