True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
