did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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