awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
