I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
