It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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