You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
