sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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