Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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