why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
being pregnant is like rehab
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're too hungover to prance.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
