thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize