just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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