Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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