4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
