Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
