hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
