you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
