She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who died my cat blue again?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
