I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
