My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
