1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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