she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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