In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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