How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
