There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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