I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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