that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
