Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
