____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
