I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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