I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
