I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
