I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
