I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
