dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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