Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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