So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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