I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
