Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My ass is underappreciated
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
