Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
