we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
