Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
