Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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