hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
