it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
