He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
