i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
