I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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