i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
