As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
