Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
