If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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