im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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