I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
