my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
