Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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