Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
