i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
