What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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