My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
