I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
