A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
