I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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