Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Barsexuality is the new black.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
