I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
