I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
