I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
